Ridiculous Film

There is a ridiculous film I am participating in. Partially out of amusment and partially because I've never been in a film before. The story is about a group of students (us) wanting to participate in a murder mystery film festival and conviently finding a dead body and then later hearing about others. We name the suspect 'The Price Chopper' as he/she kills sales clerks.

Just so you get a glimpse of the delicious brain-damaging goodness, here is a portion of the script!

(Camera shows shots of each group going to their designated sector, including a shot of Dave looking pissed off. Then the camera follows Cruren sneaking through the supermarket until she spots the Price Chopper, who is wearing some anticapitalist clothing or the price chopper logo.)

Cruren: Stop right there!

(The Price Chopper looks back and runs. Along the way he knocks over a box of cans (if possible). Cruren trips on them but gets back up to continue pursuit. In the next aisle he plows through an orange cart but this time Cruren is able to leap over the debris. The Price Chopper keeps looking back at Cruren, unaware he is running towards the self checkout. He looks forward and falls before he reaches it. Cruren stands over him and points his finger downward.)

Cruren: This game is over, Price Chopper.

Jasmine: What just happened? Why did he stop?

Cruren: Elementary, my dear Jasmine. The Price Chopper kills sales clerks. But at self-checkout the customer is the sales clerk! Therefore once he enters the self-checkout he must kill himself or the other serial killers would call him a hypocrite.

(Dave walks over.)

Dave: How do we know he’s actually the Price Chopper and not a copycat looking for fame?

Cruren: We found this on him.
(Cruren takes out a piece of paper. It says “I am the Price Chopper.”)

I am proud to say I am "Cruren". I am also glad to say I am not the director. So now we need to fix the earlier line in which Dave says it was obvious that I haven't shaved in two weeks.