that is what i do.
Why does anyone explain or clarify? To eliminate misconception. Why? To maintain respect and the, hopefully, reality of justice of whatever situation it is. Theoretically a 'good' person will not act unjust and hence will not want anyone to believe them to have acted unjustly. A good person with good intents will care if somebody believes them to be unjust if their status in relation to the other person holds a value to them. Generally, if you care/value somebody you care/value their mental connection to you and hence keeping yourself in high regard is important. So, using this reasoning, denying somebody an explanation, assuming the other person is truely under a misconception, demonstrates a very weak, or even non-existant bond between the two or at least on the part of the one declineing the explanation.
A person who seeks explanation can do so out of malice but also out of hope. Unless two people are clear enemies however, it is likely to be that the explanation is sought out of hope and respect. One would not want to degrade their perception of their friend without a reason. even if they are almost certain that what they believe is true they would not turn down an explanation. The need for a solid peice of knowlege is essential for the stability of a belief. Just as a person does not want other people to think poorly of them if they value the other's opinions they do not want to unjustly think poorly of others.
Denying an explanation then- As mentioned before, it indicates a lack of value placed in the other person. Since the other person is presumably looking for an explanation, denying them one is a strong demonstration of disrespect as this indicates that their personal value is too low for them to value their thoughts or perceptions. It also indicates that the respect that the one asking is looking for is no longer existant or shared.
There is one other reason for denying an explanation. It is not uncommon that somebody will note that they have done something unjustly or may have done somethign unjustly and do not want to communicate it because of this respect that they want to maintain. However, insisting that one is correct without evidence or explanation merely demonstrates that either they do not care about the other person or they are more than likely 'wrong'. Not being able to admit being incorrect in something is also a demonstration of disrespect and lack of value even if not blantantly so. It is very disrespectful to become angry and mean to somebody who you refuse explanation to, the value of your relation to them is clearly degraded if you do not value 'good terms', which can only come through truth, good or bad.
A person will think worse of somebody who has done nothing wrong and yet refuses an explanation than they will the person who has done something wrong and has come forward with an explanation.
oh, i got distracted...well...good enough right?
4 comments:
The reasoning is all good but only if the person who is not giving you an explanation is doing so without stating the reason that you are incapable of understanding him/her, without stating that they are currently incapable of explaining it themselves due to a state of body and mind or they are apparently in a state where they are unable to give an explanation. Unfortunatly the last one is a judgement call. All reasoning just given assumes that the person being expected an explanation from is not decieving the explanation-recieving person.
Concerning the act of stating explanations, you assume three things:
1) Reality is the same for everyone all the time, everything means the same thing and what everything means to you should, if not does, mean the same thing to everyone else, this judgement of proper meaning made with the characteristics you chose to emphasize and deemphasize.
2) Everyone is capable of accurately and clearly explaining everything to you.
3) You deserve to hear their explanaion.
If, however, *WHOA THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX OMGZORZ*, you misstated or failed to include certain mentionings your blog post such that I percieved that you made these assumptions you are free to correct me, prove me wrong, justify these assumptions, or any combination of those actions.
I don't know why she wouldn't deserve to hear their explanation; unless you are implying that she owes an explanation as well.
I can think of only one reason she wouldn't deserve an explanation -- If she didn't seek an explanation. This only applies in the special (but rather common) case of (1) where the offender either has no idea they did something wrong or does not realize an explanation is expected of them.
I'd like to add something that doesn't fit with the post's topic of the logic of explanations in relationships, but is still an important thing to consider. People aren't always logical. People are emotional and stubborn, often very much so in relationships (any kind), arguments, and when they feel they have been wronged. There are plenty of situations where someone may THINK that you do not deserve an explanation, regardless of whether you actually do or not.
i think you missed some stuff, but i dun feel like...explaining ^_-
however, you do deserve one =)
Word up on the drama bashing, the heat of the moment sucks ass.
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