Ah, blogging. I am just so bored right now this is what I must do.
I was thinking about the priorities in my life...wondering how different and similar they were to most people.
One thing that bothers me is that I apply so much of my mental processes [and physical i suppose] to a Significant Other that when they are gone such a big chunk of what i think about and what i do is also gone. A lot of times their happiness comes before my own, there is something important about me being the cause of happiness. I have to constantly think about what I can do to keep improving it and when there is an issue it stems from me feeling insufficient in some way and it stresses me almost to no end.
I have all this energy and now that I know how to donate it and completely dedicate it all to somebody that's all I want to do. Clearly this is one sided though. I can get the pleasure of being the cause of somebody's happiness but then when they go? Clearly it just wasn't enough to make them want to stay so all that effort was a complete waste.
What about other priorities? Work? I have to work, I hate working, and working, still doesn't come before a significant other in my mind. Should it? I've heard/seen various stances.
I don't like the idea of not completely dedicating myself to a significant other because they is just how much I care but there must be some alternative to turning that off. I've seen some ways but they are usually temporary. Like if I want to see some effort, some indication that I am not the only dedicated one...then I can turn it off [visually anyway] for a while. It's a shallow turn-off though when it is still rolling around in the mind. A festering wound I suppose.
I used to play RO, read books. I can work on my own literary work but how do I eliminate a priority that I have known for so long from my mind and get just as much fulfillment from dedicating myself to, a book say, which at the very least won't be rejecting my efforts or unappreciative of such dedication.
It's something to consider but I am just unsure of how to make such a transition. What does everyone else receive fulfillment in? I want something with the same meaning to me as my usual priority. Something that just matters so much everthing counts. Is there even such a thing.
and so the hunt begins, to be continued...!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Three cats, Two Demons and the Priest's Raw Chicken
I've been having quite a few weird dreams lately...more than usual I think. Anyway, here is the last one.
Me and a group of people are going through some temple or pyramid in an Eygpt-like place and there are some squares on the floor where you are supposed to hit each one a certain number of times but each one means a different number and they are time-sensitive. We failed multiple times and then when it got to the last attempt (based on the time period we were given) I tried to set all squares to 6 but accidently set one to 8, so I tried to set them all to 8.
A wall/door opened up and I rushed in to see what we had got. A red demon came out but we pushed him through the wall again as it was shutting. He managed to get out even so and explained that he was going to torment/haunt me for getting the code wrong.
I explain to him that I already have a demon [a black one] and he and I were very tense at first and didn't like eachother, as the black demon had used to just want to torment me forever like the red one, but eventually we became friends and the black demon was waiting for me at home. So I walked back home [after a longer journey back to where Eygpt is not] because the demon was trying to get me to crash my car. I passed a cathedrale or a big church and tried to convince him to live there. He asked what was inside and I just said he was a demon, he could just go through a wall and look for himself. So he did and came back telling me that he wasn't interested.
We arrived at my house-ish place where my room was pretty normal except that the window was ground level and unusually low- might have been something like a glass door gone wrong. Three cats were there, Angie, Frisky and one that I am acquainted with but do not actually know [probably one of the strays around here]. None of the cats talked but there was definitely some detailed interaction between the three, me and the demons. [not that i can remember...]
While the two demons were talking I walked out of my door and found mom, who said there was 2 snakes in the house. I asked what kinds of snakes were in the house. She said a white one and one that was a combination of all the poisonous snakes. So I was worried for everyone in regards to the multi-color poisonous snake.
I looked to the right of the enterance of my room and there was a platform and then a bridge out into the water to another platform. One both sides of the bridge was a fancy small house on a small island- the island being about the length of a regular house. There was a hole in the front of each one with a person guarding it [I think, so the snakes wouldn't get in]. The guards each held a bucket of something that looked like apple cider. I was thinking about the snakes and them getting into there but they were locked in by water and with my mom's description of the snakes, they were small and probably not interested in water.
I went back into my room and talked to the demons. We agreed that shutting a door was not good enough to keep the snakes away if we could not find them because there were so many holes in the house. [like the holes in John's apartment and Veggie's prof's house] So we set out to look for them, we looked under the bridge because I thought that would be where they would go, but we couldn't find them.
Then a bunch of stuff happened that I don't remember and somebody pulled up to the dock with pictures of the 'wares' he had. I apparently had worked with him on some mission and I knew about his stuff. I saw a picture of two frogs with back marbel-like eyes and I knew I wanted them. He piled a bunch of small things, mostly shades of brown and yellow and I looked for the one I wanted but suddenly I recalled that this was the area I thought the snakes were in so I went back and forth carrying these small things, which I believe were alive.
Now another intermission where I can't remember anything.
So...somehow i got a bunch of Aztecs and moved them to Europe. In my mind I was doing something helpful but one of the demons yelled at me for taking their people and their gold. I explained to him that I left plenty of people and gold and that I would go to Europe and talk to the one I sent their to prove that it was okay and to offer him a ride back to...Aztec...I guess...to get more gold. So I got him and went back but he didn't want anything and we went back to Europe where it was Christmas and these two European guys who were taking care of him gave him presents.
The wrapped presents were a bunch of raw chicken of different sizes. He put them in a big box or toychest as he got them. I asked the demon, I think the red one, why this was happening. Why would he get so many raw chickens? The red demon explained to me that he was going to be a Priest and that the Europeans needed to feed him two large chickens full of other chickens and then small chickens.
and then i lost the rest of the dream...=P
[these must be horrible to read]
Me and a group of people are going through some temple or pyramid in an Eygpt-like place and there are some squares on the floor where you are supposed to hit each one a certain number of times but each one means a different number and they are time-sensitive. We failed multiple times and then when it got to the last attempt (based on the time period we were given) I tried to set all squares to 6 but accidently set one to 8, so I tried to set them all to 8.
A wall/door opened up and I rushed in to see what we had got. A red demon came out but we pushed him through the wall again as it was shutting. He managed to get out even so and explained that he was going to torment/haunt me for getting the code wrong.
I explain to him that I already have a demon [a black one] and he and I were very tense at first and didn't like eachother, as the black demon had used to just want to torment me forever like the red one, but eventually we became friends and the black demon was waiting for me at home. So I walked back home [after a longer journey back to where Eygpt is not] because the demon was trying to get me to crash my car. I passed a cathedrale or a big church and tried to convince him to live there. He asked what was inside and I just said he was a demon, he could just go through a wall and look for himself. So he did and came back telling me that he wasn't interested.
We arrived at my house-ish place where my room was pretty normal except that the window was ground level and unusually low- might have been something like a glass door gone wrong. Three cats were there, Angie, Frisky and one that I am acquainted with but do not actually know [probably one of the strays around here]. None of the cats talked but there was definitely some detailed interaction between the three, me and the demons. [not that i can remember...]
While the two demons were talking I walked out of my door and found mom, who said there was 2 snakes in the house. I asked what kinds of snakes were in the house. She said a white one and one that was a combination of all the poisonous snakes. So I was worried for everyone in regards to the multi-color poisonous snake.
I looked to the right of the enterance of my room and there was a platform and then a bridge out into the water to another platform. One both sides of the bridge was a fancy small house on a small island- the island being about the length of a regular house. There was a hole in the front of each one with a person guarding it [I think, so the snakes wouldn't get in]. The guards each held a bucket of something that looked like apple cider. I was thinking about the snakes and them getting into there but they were locked in by water and with my mom's description of the snakes, they were small and probably not interested in water.
I went back into my room and talked to the demons. We agreed that shutting a door was not good enough to keep the snakes away if we could not find them because there were so many holes in the house. [like the holes in John's apartment and Veggie's prof's house] So we set out to look for them, we looked under the bridge because I thought that would be where they would go, but we couldn't find them.
Then a bunch of stuff happened that I don't remember and somebody pulled up to the dock with pictures of the 'wares' he had. I apparently had worked with him on some mission and I knew about his stuff. I saw a picture of two frogs with back marbel-like eyes and I knew I wanted them. He piled a bunch of small things, mostly shades of brown and yellow and I looked for the one I wanted but suddenly I recalled that this was the area I thought the snakes were in so I went back and forth carrying these small things, which I believe were alive.
Now another intermission where I can't remember anything.
So...somehow i got a bunch of Aztecs and moved them to Europe. In my mind I was doing something helpful but one of the demons yelled at me for taking their people and their gold. I explained to him that I left plenty of people and gold and that I would go to Europe and talk to the one I sent their to prove that it was okay and to offer him a ride back to...Aztec...I guess...to get more gold. So I got him and went back but he didn't want anything and we went back to Europe where it was Christmas and these two European guys who were taking care of him gave him presents.
The wrapped presents were a bunch of raw chicken of different sizes. He put them in a big box or toychest as he got them. I asked the demon, I think the red one, why this was happening. Why would he get so many raw chickens? The red demon explained to me that he was going to be a Priest and that the Europeans needed to feed him two large chickens full of other chickens and then small chickens.
and then i lost the rest of the dream...=P
[these must be horrible to read]
Friday, July 20, 2007
you type your name on one row, to get dosed up tomorrow
Although I can’t remember much from my last set of dreams I am obligated to attempt to record them.
Last night…
It was me and McSweeny. It was dark. Some other girl was there too. She was hanging around McSweeny and may or may not have been a ‘monster’. Somebody I am acquainted with in real life but do not know very well. We were in a big house, some rooms being the same as those in my house that I lived in while I was in middle school and nelson place. I remember the master bedroom (it was huge and had multiple rooms attached.
Anyway, both me and Mcsweeny were drugged by something or someone. I was drugged less I believe because I was much more in control than McSweeny was. I believe John was also in the dream and may have switched places with McSweeny at some point. Essentially, there were a variety of ‘monsters’ big and small that were after us. There was a large T-rex like dinosaur-ish creature that specifically was chasing me, and a bunch of smaller and middle sized creatures, flying ones seemed like gargoyles. There were no actual dragons even though it would have made sense had there been any. Even the dinosaur, I think, was somehow a mammal. All were mammals.
They were after us for something. They were going to do something to us. I can’t remember what. The drugs supposedly were to make us O-K with whatever the monsters were going to do. However, both me and McSweeny knew about this and at least I was aware that whatever notion I had to approach the monsters was because of the drugs and not because it was alright.
The big dinosaur-like monster was focusing on me and was chasing me around the house. I set up some wires once I was in the master bedroom that would electrocute it if it stepped on it and it stopped it right on the wire but for some reason it was causing one not to work so I dumped water on it and it disappeared wherever I put water down. I was still worried it wasn’t gone so I didn’t cross the wires and went through to other rooms and found McSweeny, the girl and some guy. The guy explained the situation some and didn’t suggest anything useful except run and hide like I had been doing. He thought he was useful too.
Then a human-ish monster (maybe gargoyle) got McSweeny and me and him just watched and McSweeny didn’t even try to run so I left him, kind of frustrated that he just let the monster get him.
I somehow got outside and I noticed the dino-thing in the distance and it noticed me. So it charged and I ran and climbed up on this super-tall bunk bed and just sat there. McSweeny was sitting there too- less drugged up. He said we’d be safe up high. It was true for the dinosaur, it kept running and then stopped halfway and walked away.
From up high I could get a good view of the ‘house’ that was a lot more castle-like now. Lots of windows and some stained-glass. I noticed the flying gargoyles now. I didn’t see any noticing me but I saw one fly into the trees and noticed that the trees were touching the bunk bed. We were at the edge of a forest. I knew that the gargoyle could easily get me and there was no way for me to out run if it did.
I wasn’t really connected to McSweeny in the dream in any way except we were both in the same situation. We didn’t even try to help eachother out. (no offense to McSweeny) That’s just how the dream was. Everyone was on their own for the most part.
So at this point something strange happened. I knew I was doomed. If I went down the dino would get me and doing anything else the gargoyle would get me. I started getting really stressed and suddenly…I knew I was dreaming but I couldn’t wake up (prolly cause of how tired I was). I knew then that I could control this. I didn’t feel like I could control much so I kept thinking, I didn’t know what to do still. Then I got an idea, I grabbed something metal that floated. Something I had made for Mel Iroc recently and it occurred to me that I would like to have one so I did. My ability to control the dream died shortly after but I had my floaty thing.
So I grabbed on to this and left the bunk and I could sense the gargoyle following me. I couldn’t control the object very well and I desperately tried to enter windows on the castle by removing the glass. Most of the rooms I tried to enter were too small or non existent though.
That is all I am gonna go through though…the rest gets really choppy in my memory and all I can say is that it involved Andrew’s laptop and some police-mafia people.
Before that…I will just sum up even though it is awesome and I never had one like this before: Train through space, laying tracks down as we go, trip to the center of the universe to find digital code that would define existence through flashes of images and sounds.
Wish I could go on, but you’ll have to get a personalized explanation if you want more on that one =P. Until I get bored again.
Last night…
It was me and McSweeny. It was dark. Some other girl was there too. She was hanging around McSweeny and may or may not have been a ‘monster’. Somebody I am acquainted with in real life but do not know very well. We were in a big house, some rooms being the same as those in my house that I lived in while I was in middle school and nelson place. I remember the master bedroom (it was huge and had multiple rooms attached.
Anyway, both me and Mcsweeny were drugged by something or someone. I was drugged less I believe because I was much more in control than McSweeny was. I believe John was also in the dream and may have switched places with McSweeny at some point. Essentially, there were a variety of ‘monsters’ big and small that were after us. There was a large T-rex like dinosaur-ish creature that specifically was chasing me, and a bunch of smaller and middle sized creatures, flying ones seemed like gargoyles. There were no actual dragons even though it would have made sense had there been any. Even the dinosaur, I think, was somehow a mammal. All were mammals.
They were after us for something. They were going to do something to us. I can’t remember what. The drugs supposedly were to make us O-K with whatever the monsters were going to do. However, both me and McSweeny knew about this and at least I was aware that whatever notion I had to approach the monsters was because of the drugs and not because it was alright.
The big dinosaur-like monster was focusing on me and was chasing me around the house. I set up some wires once I was in the master bedroom that would electrocute it if it stepped on it and it stopped it right on the wire but for some reason it was causing one not to work so I dumped water on it and it disappeared wherever I put water down. I was still worried it wasn’t gone so I didn’t cross the wires and went through to other rooms and found McSweeny, the girl and some guy. The guy explained the situation some and didn’t suggest anything useful except run and hide like I had been doing. He thought he was useful too.
Then a human-ish monster (maybe gargoyle) got McSweeny and me and him just watched and McSweeny didn’t even try to run so I left him, kind of frustrated that he just let the monster get him.
I somehow got outside and I noticed the dino-thing in the distance and it noticed me. So it charged and I ran and climbed up on this super-tall bunk bed and just sat there. McSweeny was sitting there too- less drugged up. He said we’d be safe up high. It was true for the dinosaur, it kept running and then stopped halfway and walked away.
From up high I could get a good view of the ‘house’ that was a lot more castle-like now. Lots of windows and some stained-glass. I noticed the flying gargoyles now. I didn’t see any noticing me but I saw one fly into the trees and noticed that the trees were touching the bunk bed. We were at the edge of a forest. I knew that the gargoyle could easily get me and there was no way for me to out run if it did.
I wasn’t really connected to McSweeny in the dream in any way except we were both in the same situation. We didn’t even try to help eachother out. (no offense to McSweeny) That’s just how the dream was. Everyone was on their own for the most part.
So at this point something strange happened. I knew I was doomed. If I went down the dino would get me and doing anything else the gargoyle would get me. I started getting really stressed and suddenly…I knew I was dreaming but I couldn’t wake up (prolly cause of how tired I was). I knew then that I could control this. I didn’t feel like I could control much so I kept thinking, I didn’t know what to do still. Then I got an idea, I grabbed something metal that floated. Something I had made for Mel Iroc recently and it occurred to me that I would like to have one so I did. My ability to control the dream died shortly after but I had my floaty thing.
So I grabbed on to this and left the bunk and I could sense the gargoyle following me. I couldn’t control the object very well and I desperately tried to enter windows on the castle by removing the glass. Most of the rooms I tried to enter were too small or non existent though.
That is all I am gonna go through though…the rest gets really choppy in my memory and all I can say is that it involved Andrew’s laptop and some police-mafia people.
Before that…I will just sum up even though it is awesome and I never had one like this before: Train through space, laying tracks down as we go, trip to the center of the universe to find digital code that would define existence through flashes of images and sounds.
Wish I could go on, but you’ll have to get a personalized explanation if you want more on that one =P. Until I get bored again.
Friday, July 13, 2007
all the dead animals
I was thinking as I walked home from work [the prof let me go cause I was asleep when he came in] this morning upon seeing a dead cat in the road and averting my eyes until I had passed it.
What if there was a dead mangled human in the road and all the cars just kept speeding past it? What if it was your cat? What if road kill wasn't as common as it is?
If there was a dead mangled human in the road with cars just passing it I am not sure what I would do. I might use the subconcious sunglasses everyone has and assume that it just couldn't be true. Some sort of joke. Or maybe it would just turn into an image of an empty human-less road invented by disbelief. The fact that people's minds will do that has been proven.
More likely, I think, is that I would see it. Double-take at the unusually large mass or the fact that the mangled mess intermingled with clothing. Just keep staring at it for a while. There would be nothing I could d anyway. Dragging a human out of the road would feel somewhat pointless after it's dead unless it was clearly my friend in which case I would probably be to overthrown with shock to remove his/her carcass from the road anyway. But only because people don't become road kill every day and when they are- they are removed from the street.
After I double-take and confirm with myself that it's a human I would probably feel pretty nervous that everyone on the road was alright with hitting people and I would prolly be a LOT more cautious walking home. Or running home.
But all that is because hitting a human is unusual. Would you be any more upset with a strange human in the road than a strange cat? Supposedly bonding with humans is just plain stronger and there is a sterotype that you need to stand up for your own species. Same reason some people are so intrigued by monkeys, a human's closest relative. [Egomaniacs] I bet a monkey would be remove from the road. But what would I know? I don't live in South Africa. It would be interesting to find out.
I was imagining though, if it was my friend in the road. My small friend who I could drag out of the road. Drag him/her to side. Sob. How dare the world! The world so cruel as to hit and kill my friend without even the decency to stop and check if they are okay or pull him/her out of the road! My poor human...my poor cat...
But everyone is bias to their own species, at least every human. I don't like to think I am but I am clearly bias to some species as demonstrated by my feline-favoritism. But I know a rabbit or dog could be my friend just as much as a cat will. I just have generally more respect for cats. Sometimes more than the people who kill them.
Such as a cat or a dog and it's owner starving to death. What have you ever ever heard of a pet attacking it's owner for food. So rare you don't hear it. But how many times have you heard of an explorer or some other person killing thier animal friend...to save themselves. Too many. How can they live knowing that they have killed their friend for their personal gain? It's not just because the animal is smaller, I am sure some dogs are plenty capable of killing and eating their owners and I bet the same would go for a cat of equal size [we're talking about an actual cat friend not some random hungry tiger].
It's just depressing that we can kill our friends and each other's friends so easily and without reprecussion so long as they are not human.
What if there was a dead mangled human in the road and all the cars just kept speeding past it? What if it was your cat? What if road kill wasn't as common as it is?
If there was a dead mangled human in the road with cars just passing it I am not sure what I would do. I might use the subconcious sunglasses everyone has and assume that it just couldn't be true. Some sort of joke. Or maybe it would just turn into an image of an empty human-less road invented by disbelief. The fact that people's minds will do that has been proven.
More likely, I think, is that I would see it. Double-take at the unusually large mass or the fact that the mangled mess intermingled with clothing. Just keep staring at it for a while. There would be nothing I could d anyway. Dragging a human out of the road would feel somewhat pointless after it's dead unless it was clearly my friend in which case I would probably be to overthrown with shock to remove his/her carcass from the road anyway. But only because people don't become road kill every day and when they are- they are removed from the street.
After I double-take and confirm with myself that it's a human I would probably feel pretty nervous that everyone on the road was alright with hitting people and I would prolly be a LOT more cautious walking home. Or running home.
But all that is because hitting a human is unusual. Would you be any more upset with a strange human in the road than a strange cat? Supposedly bonding with humans is just plain stronger and there is a sterotype that you need to stand up for your own species. Same reason some people are so intrigued by monkeys, a human's closest relative. [Egomaniacs] I bet a monkey would be remove from the road. But what would I know? I don't live in South Africa. It would be interesting to find out.
I was imagining though, if it was my friend in the road. My small friend who I could drag out of the road. Drag him/her to side. Sob. How dare the world! The world so cruel as to hit and kill my friend without even the decency to stop and check if they are okay or pull him/her out of the road! My poor human...my poor cat...
But everyone is bias to their own species, at least every human. I don't like to think I am but I am clearly bias to some species as demonstrated by my feline-favoritism. But I know a rabbit or dog could be my friend just as much as a cat will. I just have generally more respect for cats. Sometimes more than the people who kill them.
Such as a cat or a dog and it's owner starving to death. What have you ever ever heard of a pet attacking it's owner for food. So rare you don't hear it. But how many times have you heard of an explorer or some other person killing thier animal friend...to save themselves. Too many. How can they live knowing that they have killed their friend for their personal gain? It's not just because the animal is smaller, I am sure some dogs are plenty capable of killing and eating their owners and I bet the same would go for a cat of equal size [we're talking about an actual cat friend not some random hungry tiger].
It's just depressing that we can kill our friends and each other's friends so easily and without reprecussion so long as they are not human.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Finally, another 'decent' dream
I can't remember the first part of my dream for the most part. From where I can remember though...
There was some girl that everyone liked who was quiet and pretty. I think we were acquintences [not in real life]. Somehow though we got to know eachother and she was kinda both male and female...hard to describe- like she would sometimes look like a big guy. Anyway, I woke up with her in my bed and I was a little confused but fine with it. Some other person was involved and I brought her tea to her 'bed' which was close to the ceiling. I think she was too tired or not feeling well or something. A LOT of stuff happened around here but I can't remember 90% of it and am gradually forgetting the majority but eventually I got a car with her help- and this is where I start to remember more.
So, I had this car....totally 'remodeled' as in, everything had been replaced including the exterior so that all the peirces were different colors. But, just like in real life, I didnt have a car so I was pretty excited to get one at all.
So, not sure what happened but me and some kid (some young boy prolly around 10-12) parked in a parking lot somewhere (probably where we lived). We got out and we wanted to lock the car because it was the only car in the lot and there were sketchy people around. I shut the car door and it wouldn't lock on it's own [not sure why I thought it would] and I noticed the windows were down and tried to roll them up. Even with significant effort I could only get the window up a few inches. The kid was still in the front seat. I got in the car and was trying to lock the door when I saw some guy and a fat lady come up and try to steal the car...on the side the kid was on.
We had anti-car-theft or anti-criminal [or something like that] 'guns' which we used to shoot them so they'd go away. They started running away at first but then realized that the 'guns' were more like BB guns and didn't hurt much so they started coming after us. We kept shooting and then their friends came over and started shooting at the car which eventually was somehow crushed with us inside.
Then I woke up in a bed at this house I was living at. The kid woke up in his own bed too. We had blood on ourselves and other 'people' we lived with also had blood on them. I don't think all the 'people' we lived with were human, although mostly human. We talked to them about what happened and how we magically appeared in our beds.
For some reason we determined we needed to hide signs of the incident for when the police came. So we all [the entire house or most of it] decided to take a shower because we were all dirty and had blood on ourselves. There were multiple bathrooms and I KNOW I have dreamt of bathrooms like I am about to describe before which makes me think I have imagined this 'house' before.
The bathroom was big, there was a curtain of some sort but for the most part it was just an unusually sized bathroom with a sink, toilet and place to sit and the 'shower' part of it was just the entire bathroom- the water would rain down everywhere.
So I went into one with somebody [most like Klonoa?] and a doctor or police person who also lived at the house. We had our clothes mostly on even though we were taking a shower and just took off where we needed to wash. I mostly had stuff on my arms. The doc/police person was gonna check our backs to see if we needed to wash there so he checked mine and then the other guy wouldn't let him. Something about having something on it he didn't want people to see. The police/doc insisted and said something about it having to be a human thing on his back so it couldn't be that bad. So he looked and said it looked like it wasnt human and it looked like lobster salad. This creeped me out so I tried to avoid looking at his back.
Because he saw I was scared of it though he tried to force me to look at it by chasing me all over the house. That wasn't really fun.
Annnyway...
People were talking and we had two cute birds that were pretty big and had really round heads. They both spoke and chirped but I guess they were notorious for not shutting up so we told them to replace words, when the police arrived, with other words so that the police wouldnt take notice. All I can remember was that we told them to replace 'cigarette' with 'mango' cause I guess at least one bird smoked cigarettes. [When the police did arrived a bird did say "That was a bad/horrible mango". I am not sure if we replaced all sketchy words with 'mango' or not.
When the police came we were all downstairs and the police were asking us questions. There were tons of us, mostly human and at least one cartoon-ish rabbit, kinda like the trix bunny. They had a big picture of all of us in a pile.
So they were talking to the kid and he said he couldn't remember anything. The police suggested methods to help him remember like taking oil or eating tuna. For everything they suggested though he acted really high strung and nervous, giving excuses to decline everything.
The police said that that didn't sound like he was "easy going" which was what everyone had told them that everyone's dispositions were. They held up the picture they had and to the right of all the people "easy-going" was written all over the place.
They asked me about it and I told them, simply, that I would not take any oil but I would eat some tuna.
I can't remember much of what happened after this and I think I woke up soon after.
There was some girl that everyone liked who was quiet and pretty. I think we were acquintences [not in real life]. Somehow though we got to know eachother and she was kinda both male and female...hard to describe- like she would sometimes look like a big guy. Anyway, I woke up with her in my bed and I was a little confused but fine with it. Some other person was involved and I brought her tea to her 'bed' which was close to the ceiling. I think she was too tired or not feeling well or something. A LOT of stuff happened around here but I can't remember 90% of it and am gradually forgetting the majority but eventually I got a car with her help- and this is where I start to remember more.
So, I had this car....totally 'remodeled' as in, everything had been replaced including the exterior so that all the peirces were different colors. But, just like in real life, I didnt have a car so I was pretty excited to get one at all.
So, not sure what happened but me and some kid (some young boy prolly around 10-12) parked in a parking lot somewhere (probably where we lived). We got out and we wanted to lock the car because it was the only car in the lot and there were sketchy people around. I shut the car door and it wouldn't lock on it's own [not sure why I thought it would] and I noticed the windows were down and tried to roll them up. Even with significant effort I could only get the window up a few inches. The kid was still in the front seat. I got in the car and was trying to lock the door when I saw some guy and a fat lady come up and try to steal the car...on the side the kid was on.
We had anti-car-theft or anti-criminal [or something like that] 'guns' which we used to shoot them so they'd go away. They started running away at first but then realized that the 'guns' were more like BB guns and didn't hurt much so they started coming after us. We kept shooting and then their friends came over and started shooting at the car which eventually was somehow crushed with us inside.
Then I woke up in a bed at this house I was living at. The kid woke up in his own bed too. We had blood on ourselves and other 'people' we lived with also had blood on them. I don't think all the 'people' we lived with were human, although mostly human. We talked to them about what happened and how we magically appeared in our beds.
For some reason we determined we needed to hide signs of the incident for when the police came. So we all [the entire house or most of it] decided to take a shower because we were all dirty and had blood on ourselves. There were multiple bathrooms and I KNOW I have dreamt of bathrooms like I am about to describe before which makes me think I have imagined this 'house' before.
The bathroom was big, there was a curtain of some sort but for the most part it was just an unusually sized bathroom with a sink, toilet and place to sit and the 'shower' part of it was just the entire bathroom- the water would rain down everywhere.
So I went into one with somebody [most like Klonoa?] and a doctor or police person who also lived at the house. We had our clothes mostly on even though we were taking a shower and just took off where we needed to wash. I mostly had stuff on my arms. The doc/police person was gonna check our backs to see if we needed to wash there so he checked mine and then the other guy wouldn't let him. Something about having something on it he didn't want people to see. The police/doc insisted and said something about it having to be a human thing on his back so it couldn't be that bad. So he looked and said it looked like it wasnt human and it looked like lobster salad. This creeped me out so I tried to avoid looking at his back.
Because he saw I was scared of it though he tried to force me to look at it by chasing me all over the house. That wasn't really fun.
Annnyway...
People were talking and we had two cute birds that were pretty big and had really round heads. They both spoke and chirped but I guess they were notorious for not shutting up so we told them to replace words, when the police arrived, with other words so that the police wouldnt take notice. All I can remember was that we told them to replace 'cigarette' with 'mango' cause I guess at least one bird smoked cigarettes. [When the police did arrived a bird did say "That was a bad/horrible mango". I am not sure if we replaced all sketchy words with 'mango' or not.
When the police came we were all downstairs and the police were asking us questions. There were tons of us, mostly human and at least one cartoon-ish rabbit, kinda like the trix bunny. They had a big picture of all of us in a pile.
So they were talking to the kid and he said he couldn't remember anything. The police suggested methods to help him remember like taking oil or eating tuna. For everything they suggested though he acted really high strung and nervous, giving excuses to decline everything.
The police said that that didn't sound like he was "easy going" which was what everyone had told them that everyone's dispositions were. They held up the picture they had and to the right of all the people "easy-going" was written all over the place.
They asked me about it and I told them, simply, that I would not take any oil but I would eat some tuna.
I can't remember much of what happened after this and I think I woke up soon after.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Things to do in Worcester
oh, poor souls stuck here...in these ruins...[they should be ruins]
If we were boring eldery folk, or mario, I am sure we would find interested in The American Sanitary Plumbing Museum or the Frankelin D Roosevelt American Heritage Museum or constant visits to the art museum. And sure, Higgins armory is pretty cool the first couple times...but is there anything here aside from a mall and 405 museums?
maybe. if you're 12 and under.
There is a surprising number of things for kids to do around here. It's good but, does the fact that there isn't anything for the over 12 indicate anything? Maybe that we're supposed to be working our whole lives after that? I dun like it. Worcester puts a lot of effort into having events for kids every day. You don't see it because you're not looking for it. Not that I was. I just remembered it from seeing newspapers around psych. Massive lists every weekend and at least 2-4 things each week day. Free movies, and raffles. That is, if you have your elementary school report card...or middle school ID.
Restaurants in Worcester are pretty awesome. There isn't much doubt about that and I wish I knew about the "Taste of Salisbury Street" event beforehand...one of the only adult events I can think of. and tasty.
Speaking of tasty...at least there are some things to do Around worcester.
This is one thing that can't get boring over the summer. I'm not so sure about strawberries now that its getting close to the end of July. But I am guessing that Blueberries in the mid-end of July have to be pretty good.
If we were boring eldery folk, or mario, I am sure we would find interested in The American Sanitary Plumbing Museum or the Frankelin D Roosevelt American Heritage Museum or constant visits to the art museum. And sure, Higgins armory is pretty cool the first couple times...but is there anything here aside from a mall and 405 museums?
maybe. if you're 12 and under.
There is a surprising number of things for kids to do around here. It's good but, does the fact that there isn't anything for the over 12 indicate anything? Maybe that we're supposed to be working our whole lives after that? I dun like it. Worcester puts a lot of effort into having events for kids every day. You don't see it because you're not looking for it. Not that I was. I just remembered it from seeing newspapers around psych. Massive lists every weekend and at least 2-4 things each week day. Free movies, and raffles. That is, if you have your elementary school report card...or middle school ID.
Restaurants in Worcester are pretty awesome. There isn't much doubt about that and I wish I knew about the "Taste of Salisbury Street" event beforehand...one of the only adult events I can think of. and tasty.
Speaking of tasty...at least there are some things to do Around worcester.
This is one thing that can't get boring over the summer. I'm not so sure about strawberries now that its getting close to the end of July. But I am guessing that Blueberries in the mid-end of July have to be pretty good.
But what else....
Convientently and to my surprised, there are fairs going on around MA constantly in the summer. It's pretty cool and some are even in Worcester. I still need to continue my research. I am saving some of my ideas to trade though...so you'll only get them if you give input =P.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Give them all to me!
Not to say I can remember all the dreams since I've posted the last one on the blog...
Lots of bad dreams lately though. I had a few about veggie, one in conjunction with bugs/insects in my back pack and chasing me (my mom was in it too). One about Andrew and inhumane underground biotech laboratories. I can't think of any particularly good ones. I had a weird one about alligators that might have been bad but felt more neutral. I miss good-ish weird dreams. =/
One of my friends (Frank) said that the most interesting dream he had in years was something about family members driving off a cliff... That's pretty un-exciting. I'm glad that I don't have boring dreams like that. Driving off a cliff isnt boring, in fact, I bet everyone has that dream. But for that to be the most exciteing or interesting? You'd think maybe they don't watch enough movies but it's really not it.
People who don't watch movies or read books probably have just as many freaky dreams as a person who does. I know I don't watch many movies, used to read plenty of books but not really anymore. I can't usually (although sometimes) pick portions of my dreams that could stem or have some connection to books or movies.
Clearly, especially when you are younger horror movies greatly affect your dreams. Although I had night terrors way before I saw any horror movies. I suppose, for me, that could have been a dream about fireworks at the time since I was afraid of light, fire and loud sounds. I remember mostly being petrified of insects though. =/ It's great to get over light, fire and sound and even blood but I could really use a resistance to insects...I used to have Dr. Suess nightmares where his minions and himself tortured me too. I also still hate Dr. Suess.
I really wish other people would at least put a significant effort into trying to document their dreams. I know I'm interested in them [not just my own].
Lots of bad dreams lately though. I had a few about veggie, one in conjunction with bugs/insects in my back pack and chasing me (my mom was in it too). One about Andrew and inhumane underground biotech laboratories. I can't think of any particularly good ones. I had a weird one about alligators that might have been bad but felt more neutral. I miss good-ish weird dreams. =/
One of my friends (Frank) said that the most interesting dream he had in years was something about family members driving off a cliff... That's pretty un-exciting. I'm glad that I don't have boring dreams like that. Driving off a cliff isnt boring, in fact, I bet everyone has that dream. But for that to be the most exciteing or interesting? You'd think maybe they don't watch enough movies but it's really not it.
People who don't watch movies or read books probably have just as many freaky dreams as a person who does. I know I don't watch many movies, used to read plenty of books but not really anymore. I can't usually (although sometimes) pick portions of my dreams that could stem or have some connection to books or movies.
Clearly, especially when you are younger horror movies greatly affect your dreams. Although I had night terrors way before I saw any horror movies. I suppose, for me, that could have been a dream about fireworks at the time since I was afraid of light, fire and loud sounds. I remember mostly being petrified of insects though. =/ It's great to get over light, fire and sound and even blood but I could really use a resistance to insects...I used to have Dr. Suess nightmares where his minions and himself tortured me too. I also still hate Dr. Suess.
I really wish other people would at least put a significant effort into trying to document their dreams. I know I'm interested in them [not just my own].
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Explain...THIS!!! oh...uh...wait a second...EXPLAIN THIS!!!
A couple of my friends have developed the new theory that they do not and should not explain themselves. Now I will proceed to destroy this theory.
that is what i do.
Why does anyone explain or clarify? To eliminate misconception. Why? To maintain respect and the, hopefully, reality of justice of whatever situation it is. Theoretically a 'good' person will not act unjust and hence will not want anyone to believe them to have acted unjustly. A good person with good intents will care if somebody believes them to be unjust if their status in relation to the other person holds a value to them. Generally, if you care/value somebody you care/value their mental connection to you and hence keeping yourself in high regard is important. So, using this reasoning, denying somebody an explanation, assuming the other person is truely under a misconception, demonstrates a very weak, or even non-existant bond between the two or at least on the part of the one declineing the explanation.
A person who seeks explanation can do so out of malice but also out of hope. Unless two people are clear enemies however, it is likely to be that the explanation is sought out of hope and respect. One would not want to degrade their perception of their friend without a reason. even if they are almost certain that what they believe is true they would not turn down an explanation. The need for a solid peice of knowlege is essential for the stability of a belief. Just as a person does not want other people to think poorly of them if they value the other's opinions they do not want to unjustly think poorly of others.
Denying an explanation then- As mentioned before, it indicates a lack of value placed in the other person. Since the other person is presumably looking for an explanation, denying them one is a strong demonstration of disrespect as this indicates that their personal value is too low for them to value their thoughts or perceptions. It also indicates that the respect that the one asking is looking for is no longer existant or shared.
There is one other reason for denying an explanation. It is not uncommon that somebody will note that they have done something unjustly or may have done somethign unjustly and do not want to communicate it because of this respect that they want to maintain. However, insisting that one is correct without evidence or explanation merely demonstrates that either they do not care about the other person or they are more than likely 'wrong'. Not being able to admit being incorrect in something is also a demonstration of disrespect and lack of value even if not blantantly so. It is very disrespectful to become angry and mean to somebody who you refuse explanation to, the value of your relation to them is clearly degraded if you do not value 'good terms', which can only come through truth, good or bad.
A person will think worse of somebody who has done nothing wrong and yet refuses an explanation than they will the person who has done something wrong and has come forward with an explanation.
oh, i got distracted...well...good enough right?
that is what i do.
Why does anyone explain or clarify? To eliminate misconception. Why? To maintain respect and the, hopefully, reality of justice of whatever situation it is. Theoretically a 'good' person will not act unjust and hence will not want anyone to believe them to have acted unjustly. A good person with good intents will care if somebody believes them to be unjust if their status in relation to the other person holds a value to them. Generally, if you care/value somebody you care/value their mental connection to you and hence keeping yourself in high regard is important. So, using this reasoning, denying somebody an explanation, assuming the other person is truely under a misconception, demonstrates a very weak, or even non-existant bond between the two or at least on the part of the one declineing the explanation.
A person who seeks explanation can do so out of malice but also out of hope. Unless two people are clear enemies however, it is likely to be that the explanation is sought out of hope and respect. One would not want to degrade their perception of their friend without a reason. even if they are almost certain that what they believe is true they would not turn down an explanation. The need for a solid peice of knowlege is essential for the stability of a belief. Just as a person does not want other people to think poorly of them if they value the other's opinions they do not want to unjustly think poorly of others.
Denying an explanation then- As mentioned before, it indicates a lack of value placed in the other person. Since the other person is presumably looking for an explanation, denying them one is a strong demonstration of disrespect as this indicates that their personal value is too low for them to value their thoughts or perceptions. It also indicates that the respect that the one asking is looking for is no longer existant or shared.
There is one other reason for denying an explanation. It is not uncommon that somebody will note that they have done something unjustly or may have done somethign unjustly and do not want to communicate it because of this respect that they want to maintain. However, insisting that one is correct without evidence or explanation merely demonstrates that either they do not care about the other person or they are more than likely 'wrong'. Not being able to admit being incorrect in something is also a demonstration of disrespect and lack of value even if not blantantly so. It is very disrespectful to become angry and mean to somebody who you refuse explanation to, the value of your relation to them is clearly degraded if you do not value 'good terms', which can only come through truth, good or bad.
A person will think worse of somebody who has done nothing wrong and yet refuses an explanation than they will the person who has done something wrong and has come forward with an explanation.
oh, i got distracted...well...good enough right?
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I want that battle wound!
Everyone sustains some damage when drunk [or at least they should]. A bruise here and there...maybe even there....not really sure where you got them even though you are pretty sure you can remember everything.
Aside from gaining the normal 3-4 bruises at every occaison that involves alcohol, which naturally increases bruise-suseptibility, I've passed out in a lab and been hit in the head with a cube of pool chalk.
I am most proud of the pool chalk because I was able to inspire one of the nicest, and seemingly placid people, to chuck it at me. It provided me with a massive bruise and a triangle-shaped indent that spouted a lot of blood for a while.
As I sum up my precious battle wounds, I also have been having a variety of nightmares and unusual dreams once again. For a while I slept 3-5 hrs a night waking up each time in agony. I dreamt about my cat, alligators...the invention of the guitar stand...among other things. I really wish I could remember the invention of the guitar stand one. At least one of the others is saved for me to post on permanent record later. If you could call this permanent.
I am done confessing excuses on why I haven't posted. Nobody really reads this anyway. I am mostly entertaining myself.
Since I am occaisonally bored at my Psychology job this might be a nice filler, like I had been using it on Sundays at Checkerboard. Won't that be interesting? The bored-at-work-blog-because-I-am-not-willing-to-waste-portions-of-my-life-at -home-doing-this....blog[until i get re-addicted].
Aside from gaining the normal 3-4 bruises at every occaison that involves alcohol, which naturally increases bruise-suseptibility, I've passed out in a lab and been hit in the head with a cube of pool chalk.
I am most proud of the pool chalk because I was able to inspire one of the nicest, and seemingly placid people, to chuck it at me. It provided me with a massive bruise and a triangle-shaped indent that spouted a lot of blood for a while.
As I sum up my precious battle wounds, I also have been having a variety of nightmares and unusual dreams once again. For a while I slept 3-5 hrs a night waking up each time in agony. I dreamt about my cat, alligators...the invention of the guitar stand...among other things. I really wish I could remember the invention of the guitar stand one. At least one of the others is saved for me to post on permanent record later. If you could call this permanent.
I am done confessing excuses on why I haven't posted. Nobody really reads this anyway. I am mostly entertaining myself.
Since I am occaisonally bored at my Psychology job this might be a nice filler, like I had been using it on Sundays at Checkerboard. Won't that be interesting? The bored-at-work-blog-because-I-am-not-willing-to-waste-portions-of-my-life-at -home-doing-this....blog[until i get re-addicted].
Monday, June 18, 2007
it's almost a plan!
yum, diets.
I am not really looking to get healthy or lose weight or anything. I am mostly curious about what exactly a diet would do to me aside from the depression of being deprived of things. And, how much depression do I really experience when unable to eat the things I want?
Well, I intend to find out! [maybe after today] [patent pending]
I figured I could go on a TON of them. Not all at once, but one at a time.
I was considering:
All meat/protein diet
All sugary-goodness diet
No sugar at all ever diet
No meat at all ever diet
Disgusting vegetables and tofu diet
Bread-less diet
Luna-bar & fruit diet
The first one is doable because I know my friend Mark pretty much does that. I won't enjoy it very much because this does't include any treats still...except peanuts. Peanuts are good though. I guess
The second one is pretty much what I am normally on except that I like meat and bread too. I would guess that I would just eat sweets and fruit on this one, and luna bars (so I don't die- they have sugar in them).
The third one might kill me. I would guess this would be similar to the meat diet minus the peanut butter but I would also have to force myself to eat fruit or vegetables.
The no meat at all ever diet I also won't like but at least I get to eat sugar [and deteriorate in a mass of bones]. At least I don't have to eat tofu until the next one.
Ewww...the NEXT one....I dont like vegetables OR tofu...I will just make Veggie cook for me because otherwise I'll starve. I don't even think I own any vegetables.
Bread-less diet...I guess I can include luna bars but I cant have hot dogs cause i must have a bun with it and I can't have taco-shell or sandwhiches...this will be unpleasent...but not nearly as much as the veggie + tofu diet...gross...it's a step up from that at least.
Luna bar and fruit. Joy! Sugar and Health bars that have Sugar in them! This won't be as good as it sounds. I will probably go broke buying Luna bars.
So which one first? and when? Gee, I'm hungry and am going to have Doritos for breakfast...but if I start this diet...any of them...I can't have Doritos...so, not today. But I will do these diets for at least a week even if it is just an excersize of my willpower!
and I will also have a Centrum
I am not really looking to get healthy or lose weight or anything. I am mostly curious about what exactly a diet would do to me aside from the depression of being deprived of things. And, how much depression do I really experience when unable to eat the things I want?
Well, I intend to find out! [maybe after today] [patent pending]
I figured I could go on a TON of them. Not all at once, but one at a time.
I was considering:
All meat/protein diet
All sugary-goodness diet
No sugar at all ever diet
No meat at all ever diet
Disgusting vegetables and tofu diet
Bread-less diet
Luna-bar & fruit diet
The first one is doable because I know my friend Mark pretty much does that. I won't enjoy it very much because this does't include any treats still...except peanuts. Peanuts are good though. I guess
The second one is pretty much what I am normally on except that I like meat and bread too. I would guess that I would just eat sweets and fruit on this one, and luna bars (so I don't die- they have sugar in them).
The third one might kill me. I would guess this would be similar to the meat diet minus the peanut butter but I would also have to force myself to eat fruit or vegetables.
The no meat at all ever diet I also won't like but at least I get to eat sugar [and deteriorate in a mass of bones]. At least I don't have to eat tofu until the next one.
Ewww...the NEXT one....I dont like vegetables OR tofu...I will just make Veggie cook for me because otherwise I'll starve. I don't even think I own any vegetables.
Bread-less diet...I guess I can include luna bars but I cant have hot dogs cause i must have a bun with it and I can't have taco-shell or sandwhiches...this will be unpleasent...but not nearly as much as the veggie + tofu diet...gross...it's a step up from that at least.
Luna bar and fruit. Joy! Sugar and Health bars that have Sugar in them! This won't be as good as it sounds. I will probably go broke buying Luna bars.
So which one first? and when? Gee, I'm hungry and am going to have Doritos for breakfast...but if I start this diet...any of them...I can't have Doritos...so, not today. But I will do these diets for at least a week even if it is just an excersize of my willpower!
and I will also have a Centrum
Friday, March 30, 2007
Ridiculous Film
There is a ridiculous film I am participating in. Partially out of amusment and partially because I've never been in a film before. The story is about a group of students (us) wanting to participate in a murder mystery film festival and conviently finding a dead body and then later hearing about others. We name the suspect 'The Price Chopper' as he/she kills sales clerks.
Just so you get a glimpse of the delicious brain-damaging goodness, here is a portion of the script!
(Camera shows shots of each group going to their designated sector, including a shot of Dave looking pissed off. Then the camera follows Cruren sneaking through the supermarket until she spots the Price Chopper, who is wearing some anticapitalist clothing or the price chopper logo.)
Cruren: Stop right there!
(The Price Chopper looks back and runs. Along the way he knocks over a box of cans (if possible). Cruren trips on them but gets back up to continue pursuit. In the next aisle he plows through an orange cart but this time Cruren is able to leap over the debris. The Price Chopper keeps looking back at Cruren, unaware he is running towards the self checkout. He looks forward and falls before he reaches it. Cruren stands over him and points his finger downward.)
Cruren: This game is over, Price Chopper.
Jasmine: What just happened? Why did he stop?
Cruren: Elementary, my dear Jasmine. The Price Chopper kills sales clerks. But at self-checkout the customer is the sales clerk! Therefore once he enters the self-checkout he must kill himself or the other serial killers would call him a hypocrite.
(Dave walks over.)
Dave: How do we know he’s actually the Price Chopper and not a copycat looking for fame?
Cruren: We found this on him.
(Cruren takes out a piece of paper. It says “I am the Price Chopper.”)
I am proud to say I am "Cruren". I am also glad to say I am not the director. So now we need to fix the earlier line in which Dave says it was obvious that I haven't shaved in two weeks.
Just so you get a glimpse of the delicious brain-damaging goodness, here is a portion of the script!
(Camera shows shots of each group going to their designated sector, including a shot of Dave looking pissed off. Then the camera follows Cruren sneaking through the supermarket until she spots the Price Chopper, who is wearing some anticapitalist clothing or the price chopper logo.)
Cruren: Stop right there!
(The Price Chopper looks back and runs. Along the way he knocks over a box of cans (if possible). Cruren trips on them but gets back up to continue pursuit. In the next aisle he plows through an orange cart but this time Cruren is able to leap over the debris. The Price Chopper keeps looking back at Cruren, unaware he is running towards the self checkout. He looks forward and falls before he reaches it. Cruren stands over him and points his finger downward.)
Cruren: This game is over, Price Chopper.
Jasmine: What just happened? Why did he stop?
Cruren: Elementary, my dear Jasmine. The Price Chopper kills sales clerks. But at self-checkout the customer is the sales clerk! Therefore once he enters the self-checkout he must kill himself or the other serial killers would call him a hypocrite.
(Dave walks over.)
Dave: How do we know he’s actually the Price Chopper and not a copycat looking for fame?
Cruren: We found this on him.
(Cruren takes out a piece of paper. It says “I am the Price Chopper.”)
I am proud to say I am "Cruren". I am also glad to say I am not the director. So now we need to fix the earlier line in which Dave says it was obvious that I haven't shaved in two weeks.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Sure I haven't blogged in an eternity...
But I was busy. Busy doing nothing and homework and creating a deviantart account and ordering weights off amazon and learning DDR and other things.
I thought of blogging while I was eating my 50% brown sugar filled bowl of apple-crisp flavored oatmeal with a Strawberry Kiwi Capri Sun...I figured if I go and blog stuff like that then I can look back and pretend my life is interesting and somehow feel fulfilled.
Nobody eats apple crisp flavored oatmeal with Strawberry Kiwi Capri Sun. I must be cool. Deviant! Deviant art. So cool. Yeah...
So I came upstairs here to make fun of myself and also because I don't have much left to do before class at 11 since I actually woke up at a reasonable time and did the necissary morning-related activities at 8:30.
I have determined I will return to blogging however, it is a delightful contemplative mind mold at times. My depressive mind is more philosophical and contemplative than my more fortunate perspectives which is likely why I felt as though I was more intelligent [contemplative, rather] in the previous years.
I thought of blogging while I was eating my 50% brown sugar filled bowl of apple-crisp flavored oatmeal with a Strawberry Kiwi Capri Sun...I figured if I go and blog stuff like that then I can look back and pretend my life is interesting and somehow feel fulfilled.
Nobody eats apple crisp flavored oatmeal with Strawberry Kiwi Capri Sun. I must be cool. Deviant! Deviant art. So cool. Yeah...
So I came upstairs here to make fun of myself and also because I don't have much left to do before class at 11 since I actually woke up at a reasonable time and did the necissary morning-related activities at 8:30.
I have determined I will return to blogging however, it is a delightful contemplative mind mold at times. My depressive mind is more philosophical and contemplative than my more fortunate perspectives which is likely why I felt as though I was more intelligent [contemplative, rather] in the previous years.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
or rather, ...
Since it is such a dilemma for my subjects when my reactions consist of "..." or "=_=" I figured I too, should do an in depth analysis on the subject. Or else how could I explain to them realistically? If I didn't I would be giving one answer one time and another answer another time.
... is my favorite, i use it constantly. Unlike "=_=", "..." is not soley based on a general negativity. To do this the best way is to look at all the examples.
daemonzeiro (4:49:18 PM): i dun really wanna talk about it
Lr0dy (4:50:41 PM): You sure?
daemonzeiro (4:50:59 PM): yeah...
Mikyun205 (12:55:21 AM): what's new with you
daemonzeiro (12:55:36 AM): not much really...
This means what I say [usually things i don't feel like talking about], but it is on my mind. The "It is on my mind" is a fairly popular "..."
ScoobyDooKiana (2:41:47 PM): well actually 7 will be easy once we figure out 6
Daemon Zeiro (2:41:48 PM): ugh...i dont know...i have been looking at BB stuff for the test tonight
Daemon Zeiro (2:42:01 PM): there must be something online to tell us...
ScoobyDooKiana (9:12:17 PM): we are supposed to plot how far they actually moved, by their expected sizes right?
Daemon Zeiro (9:12:29 PM): i plotted how they actually moved..
Ugh 1 NR (2:19:02 PM): hehe well if you enjoy being with him...thats all that matters
Daemon Zeiro (2:19:29 PM): might not be good long term...
Aside from my use to connect two sentence fragments with them "..." also means that I am hopeing for a response- oftentimes due to uncertainty or fear of incorrectness in some manner. All three of the above cases are different: the first one is a "right?", the second is a "this better be right", and the third is "man, i really dont know what's going on".
x3x Insecure xEx (8:16:40 PM): lol
Daemon Zeiro (8:16:58 PM): yay...
This one is really close to =_=...in fact, it's nearly identical. It's sarcastic- even though =_= is not necissarily sarcastic in itself.
Now, <_<, _=",">_> are nearly the same.
<_<>_> together usually mean suspicion, it can be a joke or realistic- but it's prolly a joke.
r 3 d d 3 4 t h (11:44:58 PM): to see if I had a heart murmur
r 3 d d 3 4 t h (11:45:01 PM): which I didn't
Daemon Zeiro (11:45:08 PM): whew >_>
This function of the >_> is a sort of relief-but held breath. Since =_= can also be compared to a *sigh*. However you would rarely, if ever, see =_= in any of a compassionate aspect as you might see >_>.
The actual look is of the eyes partially shut. Droll, really. Although my current examples don't demonstrate annoyance/disapproval that is a main function of "=_=" and ">_>". A lot of sarcastic "yeah rights" can be attached to them as well.
Daemon Zeiro (12:32:49 PM): my eyes are burning =_=
The above is literal. My eyes hurt, they really do look like that. OR, it's your fault my eyes are hurting!!! In this case, the former fortunatly.
Certainly there are other meanings, but I am awful lazy and these seem to be the most realistic.
... is my favorite, i use it constantly. Unlike "=_=", "..." is not soley based on a general negativity. To do this the best way is to look at all the examples.
daemonzeiro (4:49:18 PM): i dun really wanna talk about it
Lr0dy (4:50:41 PM): You sure?
daemonzeiro (4:50:59 PM): yeah...
Mikyun205 (12:55:21 AM): what's new with you
daemonzeiro (12:55:36 AM): not much really...
This means what I say [usually things i don't feel like talking about], but it is on my mind. The "It is on my mind" is a fairly popular "..."
ScoobyDooKiana (2:41:47 PM): well actually 7 will be easy once we figure out 6
Daemon Zeiro (2:41:48 PM): ugh...i dont know...i have been looking at BB stuff for the test tonight
Daemon Zeiro (2:42:01 PM): there must be something online to tell us...
ScoobyDooKiana (9:12:17 PM): we are supposed to plot how far they actually moved, by their expected sizes right?
Daemon Zeiro (9:12:29 PM): i plotted how they actually moved..
Ugh 1 NR (2:19:02 PM): hehe well if you enjoy being with him...thats all that matters
Daemon Zeiro (2:19:29 PM): might not be good long term...
Aside from my use to connect two sentence fragments with them "..." also means that I am hopeing for a response- oftentimes due to uncertainty or fear of incorrectness in some manner. All three of the above cases are different: the first one is a "right?", the second is a "this better be right", and the third is "man, i really dont know what's going on".
x3x Insecure xEx (8:16:40 PM): lol
Daemon Zeiro (8:16:58 PM): yay...
This one is really close to =_=...in fact, it's nearly identical. It's sarcastic- even though =_= is not necissarily sarcastic in itself.
Now, <_<, _=",">_> are nearly the same.
<_<>_> together usually mean suspicion, it can be a joke or realistic- but it's prolly a joke.
r 3 d d 3 4 t h (11:44:58 PM): to see if I had a heart murmur
r 3 d d 3 4 t h (11:45:01 PM): which I didn't
Daemon Zeiro (11:45:08 PM): whew >_>
This function of the >_> is a sort of relief-but held breath. Since =_= can also be compared to a *sigh*. However you would rarely, if ever, see =_= in any of a compassionate aspect as you might see >_>.
The actual look is of the eyes partially shut. Droll, really. Although my current examples don't demonstrate annoyance/disapproval that is a main function of "=_=" and ">_>". A lot of sarcastic "yeah rights" can be attached to them as well.
Daemon Zeiro (12:32:49 PM): my eyes are burning =_=
The above is literal. My eyes hurt, they really do look like that. OR, it's your fault my eyes are hurting!!! In this case, the former fortunatly.
Certainly there are other meanings, but I am awful lazy and these seem to be the most realistic.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Source of Ambiguity
Ambiguity is for fear and fret.
I know I am vague and cryptic only too much and yet I can't stand when other people are. From what it appears, people are ambiguous for several reasons: Fear, Guilt, and Ignorance.
On average mine would be Fear. Connected to Ignorance. Ignorance of Response. Even simplistic things can be overrated with the flick of the wrist this way. Most people suffer from this to some extent. It prevents you from raising your hand, from talking about things, from saving the drowning people even.
I don't know about you but i was in a group of people and saw somebody drowning I would worry that I wasn't supposed to save them and that somebody would be all upset if I took their heroic pre-position. I would likely tell somebody about it though if i was worried. Whereupon they would feel the same way and tell somebody else. Troublesome isnt it? That poor person drowning!
Due to my usual doubting personality [unfortunatly] my fear proceeds to assume that all other ambiguity could not possible be fear but must be guilt! How can they be afraid of Me?! They can't be so dumb as to be Ignorant either! Treason!
How difficult it is to believe otherwise too.
But also...for me at least "thank yous" must be perfectly placed or not placed at all and the bigger the thank you the better it must be placed. I know this isn't true but I can't help myself from feeling like it is. Maybe it is true and I am convinced I am wrong but I will never be sure. This leads often to people thinking i am real spoiled for not saying thank you for things- but in reality I am really thankful and just can't see to say it because the time was never 'correct' and then i've waited too long and can't say it at all. I think it will be a looong time before that one is fixed!
There is no advantage to the hidden morse code and the blinking of the eyes!
I know I am vague and cryptic only too much and yet I can't stand when other people are. From what it appears, people are ambiguous for several reasons: Fear, Guilt, and Ignorance.
On average mine would be Fear. Connected to Ignorance. Ignorance of Response. Even simplistic things can be overrated with the flick of the wrist this way. Most people suffer from this to some extent. It prevents you from raising your hand, from talking about things, from saving the drowning people even.
I don't know about you but i was in a group of people and saw somebody drowning I would worry that I wasn't supposed to save them and that somebody would be all upset if I took their heroic pre-position. I would likely tell somebody about it though if i was worried. Whereupon they would feel the same way and tell somebody else. Troublesome isnt it? That poor person drowning!
Due to my usual doubting personality [unfortunatly] my fear proceeds to assume that all other ambiguity could not possible be fear but must be guilt! How can they be afraid of Me?! They can't be so dumb as to be Ignorant either! Treason!
How difficult it is to believe otherwise too.
But also...for me at least "thank yous" must be perfectly placed or not placed at all and the bigger the thank you the better it must be placed. I know this isn't true but I can't help myself from feeling like it is. Maybe it is true and I am convinced I am wrong but I will never be sure. This leads often to people thinking i am real spoiled for not saying thank you for things- but in reality I am really thankful and just can't see to say it because the time was never 'correct' and then i've waited too long and can't say it at all. I think it will be a looong time before that one is fixed!
There is no advantage to the hidden morse code and the blinking of the eyes!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Moguls are not Mole Hills
I figure it is my obligation to trail that last post with something less unpleasent. But of course, i could never neglect these unpleasentries...i wont hide it...here comes the rant!
Moguls. The last thing any ski student learns. Admittedly, I never learned them quite so well. You never knew if it was going to be icey doom or what. If you go over the top of one of them accidently- you're done for. That's it. You're just gonna fly to the next top and so on, out of control.
And if you go inbetween, your focus needs to be rediculous, because there are only 2 ways to go in any position. And forget falling. You'll lose everything and spend 30 minutes putting your peices back together. Trust me, I know, my worst falls were on mogul fields. One ski is 30 meters up and your poles somehow end up 10 meters into the woods, and who knows what happened to that other ski.
I havent rarely challenged the mogul field on the Black Diamonds. Not falling on Black Diamonds is usually my priority as opposed to challenging what happens when I do and happen to be on a mogul field at the same time.
I have tried "going slow" on them but your path is set. You can't slow down and you naturally speed up. Even with significant effort to go slow there is no good method and your at warp speed by the time you get out of the field- then all the 5 yr olds appear again and you have to hope you slow down without crashing...
What is so funny is that while you are on the lift, they look so small and harmless. Cute little snowy chicken pox! Then you determine...I can take those. Easy as pie! So few people are on it too! [i wonder why]
Then you get down there any they as big as you are. A common misconceptions about moguls is that they aren't that big. In some cases though, seeing over them is even a challenge.
I have to wonder if it is even possible for a snowboarder to take them. While skiiers can take "snowboarder" jumps- I have yet to see a snowboard on a mogul field. And if I do, it would certainly be a sight to remember...
Moguls. The last thing any ski student learns. Admittedly, I never learned them quite so well. You never knew if it was going to be icey doom or what. If you go over the top of one of them accidently- you're done for. That's it. You're just gonna fly to the next top and so on, out of control.
And if you go inbetween, your focus needs to be rediculous, because there are only 2 ways to go in any position. And forget falling. You'll lose everything and spend 30 minutes putting your peices back together. Trust me, I know, my worst falls were on mogul fields. One ski is 30 meters up and your poles somehow end up 10 meters into the woods, and who knows what happened to that other ski.
I havent rarely challenged the mogul field on the Black Diamonds. Not falling on Black Diamonds is usually my priority as opposed to challenging what happens when I do and happen to be on a mogul field at the same time.
I have tried "going slow" on them but your path is set. You can't slow down and you naturally speed up. Even with significant effort to go slow there is no good method and your at warp speed by the time you get out of the field- then all the 5 yr olds appear again and you have to hope you slow down without crashing...
What is so funny is that while you are on the lift, they look so small and harmless. Cute little snowy chicken pox! Then you determine...I can take those. Easy as pie! So few people are on it too! [i wonder why]
Then you get down there any they as big as you are. A common misconceptions about moguls is that they aren't that big. In some cases though, seeing over them is even a challenge.
I have to wonder if it is even possible for a snowboarder to take them. While skiiers can take "snowboarder" jumps- I have yet to see a snowboard on a mogul field. And if I do, it would certainly be a sight to remember...
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Dry Throat
In reading this book by some horribly arrogant author [Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance] I have come across that he thinks that people who will not read manuels and such are of the "romantic"mindset...aka unscientific [as he calls scientific to be "classical"]. He explains how they don't want to know how the device works because technology is strange to them yet they can not live without it and so on... And the reverse for scientists who are curious about such things.
But then I thought, where does that put me? I self-proclaimed scientist who abhors reading instructions or manuels EVER. I wouldn't say I don't wanna know how to use something. If there is no other way I would read the manuel.
But using a computer for example. My dad was the only one who did when I was younger but I wanted to. My mom knew very little and my dad was always gone so he couldn't teach me. I just tried to figure everything out myself and it worked- well enough that I can't stand other people asking me questions that I figured out by visually deducting. I might not be able to reconstruct a graphics card but I certainly know how to maintenance and construct a computer itself. But I need to re-teach mom how to clean the print heads? I just looked around until I found it the first time I did it, and it didnt take very long either. But she is willing to wait days for me to come home and do it.
I suppose that would make me a cross between science and art- not to say that might not already be obvious so long as Genetics is considered a science and drawing is considered an art. There can't be so few people out there that this isn't commonplace though. The author of the book barely acknowleges this possiblity and is of the analytical mind himself and trying to become more with the "romantic" sort.
Maybe it is in connection to his arrogance that he can't comprehend that other people might have approached the mid-line when he- in all his logic and high IQ- could not. It's the dumb-genius syndrome again. Why the most thoughtful and logical geniuses are also exceptionally lost- and the same for the inverse as well.
But then I thought, where does that put me? I self-proclaimed scientist who abhors reading instructions or manuels EVER. I wouldn't say I don't wanna know how to use something. If there is no other way I would read the manuel.
But using a computer for example. My dad was the only one who did when I was younger but I wanted to. My mom knew very little and my dad was always gone so he couldn't teach me. I just tried to figure everything out myself and it worked- well enough that I can't stand other people asking me questions that I figured out by visually deducting. I might not be able to reconstruct a graphics card but I certainly know how to maintenance and construct a computer itself. But I need to re-teach mom how to clean the print heads? I just looked around until I found it the first time I did it, and it didnt take very long either. But she is willing to wait days for me to come home and do it.
I suppose that would make me a cross between science and art- not to say that might not already be obvious so long as Genetics is considered a science and drawing is considered an art. There can't be so few people out there that this isn't commonplace though. The author of the book barely acknowleges this possiblity and is of the analytical mind himself and trying to become more with the "romantic" sort.
Maybe it is in connection to his arrogance that he can't comprehend that other people might have approached the mid-line when he- in all his logic and high IQ- could not. It's the dumb-genius syndrome again. Why the most thoughtful and logical geniuses are also exceptionally lost- and the same for the inverse as well.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Are you Dizzy too?
I seem to have remember some peices of dreams this week...not many...
In one that felt really familiar although, as usual, completely unrealistic was that I was at some sort of park. I was at a clearing and around me in a half-circle were some trees and brush. Across the street up a hill was a university or castle. In the middle of the clearing was a massive pole with another pole stuck to the top diagonally to the ground.
Apparently I was scared of the people around and I didn't want to risk being on the ground. So i sat on the end of the diagonal second pole and somehow it acted like a swing that I could control a little bit but not a lot. I was high in the air and soon the bottom of the pole couldnt touch the ground even if I was not swinging. The quantity of scarey sketchy people below me increased but eventually i knew i couldnt just keep swinging there all night. So I dropped off. I was horribly dizzy and confused when I did. Then three guys came up to me and asked me if I were dizzy. I remember feeling crowded in and being somewhat afraid but I nodded yes and they took out a boombox and played something that made it worse or made me pass out...i am not sure...that kinda ended the dream.
I also dreamt that i communicated via AIM by writing on the surface of a space ship and I was haveing difficulty actually getting the person i was talking to to see what i was writing.
Last night I barely slept at all unfortunatly. It seems that I can recall my dreams best while in the shower. Sometimes when I just get up I can't remember them until then. I guess there prolly isnt a good mechanism for that.
In one that felt really familiar although, as usual, completely unrealistic was that I was at some sort of park. I was at a clearing and around me in a half-circle were some trees and brush. Across the street up a hill was a university or castle. In the middle of the clearing was a massive pole with another pole stuck to the top diagonally to the ground.
Apparently I was scared of the people around and I didn't want to risk being on the ground. So i sat on the end of the diagonal second pole and somehow it acted like a swing that I could control a little bit but not a lot. I was high in the air and soon the bottom of the pole couldnt touch the ground even if I was not swinging. The quantity of scarey sketchy people below me increased but eventually i knew i couldnt just keep swinging there all night. So I dropped off. I was horribly dizzy and confused when I did. Then three guys came up to me and asked me if I were dizzy. I remember feeling crowded in and being somewhat afraid but I nodded yes and they took out a boombox and played something that made it worse or made me pass out...i am not sure...that kinda ended the dream.
I also dreamt that i communicated via AIM by writing on the surface of a space ship and I was haveing difficulty actually getting the person i was talking to to see what i was writing.
Last night I barely slept at all unfortunatly. It seems that I can recall my dreams best while in the shower. Sometimes when I just get up I can't remember them until then. I guess there prolly isnt a good mechanism for that.
Monday, January 22, 2007
The Fight Within
Recently there has been a series of arguments occuring in the apt email-based...Spock fumed about his dishes not being washed and then took them away. McSweeny got mad and recoiled with telling him to get rid of his massive bag of cans in the living room. Then Shawn jumped in all mad and was upset with me for being hyperactive and so on.
I thought it was rediculous but John convinced me not to jump in. I was annoyed because I thought I had to stand up for justice but then after a while I realized that it is true. I have been annoyed at other things lately and am actively aware I just have to deal with it for a particular amount of time even though I sometimes can't help but show my sense of injustice.
When somebody is picking on you it's hard to sit back and take it all the time. There is defintely a specific kind of mindset that is necissary to deal with that stuff. I know I can't take very much usually so it's something that needs quite a bit of practice.
Especially in other matters that really get to me. I just have to remember my future plans or what benifit it is to hold my tongue for the time being and suck it up until then.
Then there is the other side, waiting too long. Sometimes things really do need to be dealt with or else you really will be the one getting the short end of the stick.
So how can you tell where and when and if even ever?
I thought it was rediculous but John convinced me not to jump in. I was annoyed because I thought I had to stand up for justice but then after a while I realized that it is true. I have been annoyed at other things lately and am actively aware I just have to deal with it for a particular amount of time even though I sometimes can't help but show my sense of injustice.
When somebody is picking on you it's hard to sit back and take it all the time. There is defintely a specific kind of mindset that is necissary to deal with that stuff. I know I can't take very much usually so it's something that needs quite a bit of practice.
Especially in other matters that really get to me. I just have to remember my future plans or what benifit it is to hold my tongue for the time being and suck it up until then.
Then there is the other side, waiting too long. Sometimes things really do need to be dealt with or else you really will be the one getting the short end of the stick.
So how can you tell where and when and if even ever?
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Stray Cat Found! Call the Press!
At my father's birthday party my grandmother presented me with an article about my aunt. Their old cat Vegas had been found after a month and a quarter in some old guy's closed garage.
I read on. Only to find that I apparently have a 4th cousin on the side. Apparently it is really a step-cousin if you can call them that. Doesn't change the fact that I didn't know about this for years. Ok, moving on...
What struck me even more was their second cat. I knew they had gotten another for christmas but hadn't named it. An orange tabby. White feet...rumor was the sterotypical "mittens". Ok, I have given up on suggesting interesting names since my sister refused to deter from "Friskie".
But they finally named this cat. Captain. Apparently it was Grammy's suggestion. Since it had "white paws" and somehow the notion occured to them that may have been why i named The Real Captain - Captain.
Everyone knows that I lost Captain and how hysterical I was when got him and when I lost him. They ALSO know that I named him for his personality. At least- that is what I told everyone 500 times. Afterwards my aunt and grandparents tormented me by saying they saw black and white look-alikes for at least 2 years after.
And now.
They name their Orange Tabby Captain...for his FEET!!!
Aside from being hurt...my ingenius nomenclature has been dishonored [and publicly at that]. This other cat looks nothing like Captain and no doubt- doesn't act like him either.
Perhaps you might think I am going overboard with a mere Cat's name. After all, aren't there traditions of such things? And even I thought about a Captain Jr. Maybe I can't justify it any more than an artist could. Maybe even less. The name is forever carved in my mind as my severely arogant beautiful black and white loss.
And even if he was gonna be reincarnated- he wouldn't be an orange tabby...
I read on. Only to find that I apparently have a 4th cousin on the side. Apparently it is really a step-cousin if you can call them that. Doesn't change the fact that I didn't know about this for years. Ok, moving on...
What struck me even more was their second cat. I knew they had gotten another for christmas but hadn't named it. An orange tabby. White feet...rumor was the sterotypical "mittens". Ok, I have given up on suggesting interesting names since my sister refused to deter from "Friskie".
But they finally named this cat. Captain. Apparently it was Grammy's suggestion. Since it had "white paws" and somehow the notion occured to them that may have been why i named The Real Captain - Captain.
Everyone knows that I lost Captain and how hysterical I was when got him and when I lost him. They ALSO know that I named him for his personality. At least- that is what I told everyone 500 times. Afterwards my aunt and grandparents tormented me by saying they saw black and white look-alikes for at least 2 years after.
And now.
They name their Orange Tabby Captain...for his FEET!!!
Aside from being hurt...my ingenius nomenclature has been dishonored [and publicly at that]. This other cat looks nothing like Captain and no doubt- doesn't act like him either.
Perhaps you might think I am going overboard with a mere Cat's name. After all, aren't there traditions of such things? And even I thought about a Captain Jr. Maybe I can't justify it any more than an artist could. Maybe even less. The name is forever carved in my mind as my severely arogant beautiful black and white loss.
And even if he was gonna be reincarnated- he wouldn't be an orange tabby...
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